2007-09-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

got this frm my cuzzin. although we're not close, u;re my cuzzin in my heartz. i almost cry reading ur entry.

A year have passed in a blink of an eye.
Jul. 4th, 2007 at 10:31 PM

4th July 2006, the day that Aunt left the world after fighting hard to stay alive with all her might. Who was her opponent? It was Cancer. She fought her battle hard, enduring all the physical pain and not forgetting emotional pain she had to go through. Aunt was one strong and determined woman deep within her but often showed her weak side when the overwhelming pain took control of her life. It is not a small matter to have thick needles penetrating through your skin every single day of your remaining life. Neither it is a small matter as well when the doctor announced she barely have a year to live.

I may not be the one close niece Aunt had because we rarely had our gatherings together with her family. She may not be the constant love affair of my life but she was very much treasured and appreciated by me. When I was young, I often found Aunt to be very scary because she was fierce and loud as well. She was pretty much a little vulgar and often scared the living daylight of me when she started cursing people. Despite that fierce front of hers, I knew deep inside, she was just like any other woman on this earth created by God, demure and sweet plus loving too.

Mum and aunt never failed to have their bad moments in the past and it was rather scary because they kept disagreeing with each other, it seemed to take a toll on their relationship. But mum knew that, things would be alright and everything would go back to normal and both of them would start agreeing with each other again.

I found aunt very endearing. I don't deny that aunt definitely doted on me more than any of my aunts does except Busu of course. Aunt's cooking was not quite up to par with mum's but she tried her very best and worked on her cooking. She never stopped feeding me with her cooking which half of the time was delicious, it was almost up to par with mum's and at times not so delicious but I gladly ate them to please her. Nothing beats the joy of seeing her smile, grinning from ear to ear when she see me devouring the food she painstakingly cooked for me and my family to enjoy. I remembered vividly, without fail at each Hari Raya Puasa, aunt would fry me a plate of chicken wings which I devoured instantly without thinking about others who were going to eat them because I knew it was purposely fried for me, only me. Aunt knew how much I loved chicken wings especially those crispy fried ones. Aunt never gave up in her cooking and she continued to persevere on till she get praises from the family. Aunt was just like mum, she knew how to bake cakes, cook delicious food, bake cookies and make this cracker call Tempeyek. Aunt also knew I had a weakness for chocolates and she would often make me take home the chocolates available inside the container during Raya visits.

Aunt started to fall sick one day, she fell sicker as the days passed by. Her condition got worse till she had to be hospitalised. I visited her quite a few times when she was hospitalised because I felt it was my duty as a niece to visit her and I mean anybody would have done that as well. Each time I came to visit her, I refused to sit because I find it harder for me to see and talk to her when I was seating down and she had difficulty moving with all the wires jutting out. I can still hear her telling me to sit and I would just say to her, it was okay and I rather stand than sit. I still remember how my heart ached in sheer agony when I saw those bumps and bruises on her hands and body. When she showed me those things, I could feel the pain and I wasn't even the one who had to go through all those pain. Imagine her having to go through all that and she still have to fight for her own life, I really look up to her for that.

Aunt passed away at home at the comfort of her own home with her family around. Her death was a big shock for me and it was a very hard blow for me to take. I remembered breaking down in public, crying in the bus uncontrollably and felt so lost at one point of time. I also remembered how my heart stopped beating for a while when I got my cousin's sms informing about her death. I cried buckets and buckets of tears from the time I got the news till the next day partly because I was watching 9/11 documentary which triggered my emotions. My eyes were swollen and puffy, it literally shrink. I know it was detrimental to my health and my eyesight as well if I continued to be sad over her death.

Now a year have passed and aunt is still forever in my heart. Her absence has definitely made my heart grew even fonder, I do get those days which I will suddenly miss her like crazy and memories of her will play in my mind, repeating, continuously like there is no tomorrow. Just like today, I was fully aware of the date for it is etched in my heart already. She was in my mind out of a sudden and I longed to see her again. I couldn't help but to cry because I knew it was impossible to see her alive and all, standing in front of me. Time seems to pass very very quickly, it felt like it was only yesterday or a few days ago that I lost her. The emotions are still running strong.

Two weeks from now, it will be great aunt's death first year anniversary. -sigh-

I hope God is blessing her soul and keeping her safe from this crazy world. I hope she is away and free from any pain or suffering. She is definitely greatly missed by me not only today but every other time...

2006-10-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

this is wat i dreamt after morning sahur...

grandma passed away and this wat made me cry.she exists in my dreamz.

late mum: skg nenek takde, mak kan ade teman kan yanee dgn yana.
me: mak kan da tak de. mak ingat senang yanee hidup kat rumah? semua yanee buat. sal mak pergi cepat sangat?

From there, she jus cried all the way.
n i woke up.
i cried on my bed.
i cried again in the evening wen takin a nap.

byez.

2006-09-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

First of all, wanna thkz to my ISA gerlz for the gift.so sweet of u.thk u once again.
gemuk la putrii yanee ni....chocolate :)
& my family for sms wishes,cakes & chocolates..thk u.

few days left to exam.i will give my best shot.

lastly, i dun wanna interfere animore friend problem.ooo..had enough.i went through it n is very painful.jus my advice, let time heal the cause.
i'm jus happy now.ouch.is great.how hard life is, think of other who are suffering in this world. not u alone.

2006-08-31T06:59:00.000-07:00

31 August 1957

her birthdae.

memories to be kept.

2006-04-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

i realli didn;t expect my mom to be admitted to the hospital.... jus went back after going geylang on thursdae...27 april 2006, ard 6 in the evening she told me she was sick... me n dad quickly went to private doctors n den went to nuh.. i knew my mum have to be admitted... the doctor is was a gastric..bt i dun believe it... gastric is nt like dat.... due to the doctor at nuh, it suspected cancer..i was jus so shocked... i can understand my mum feelins n dad... on fridae, i can;t control my tears animore...my mum health even worse.... when my aunt told me to sake her forgiveness...before she go, i jus felt to scared...n i msg my sis to come dere....i want her to c my sis....bt after a while..she ;s ok....i read my prayers..n i wld like to thank my uncle and relatives who was dere....to stand beside my mum... todae... most my relatives came again...thank u.. i jus haf to be strong....dis is all a challenge from god.... i;m jus felt quite sad when my mum kept askin me to go hme..and look after my siblings.... it was jus so sad....some time i can;t jus control my tears...i jus have to let it go........and flow.. Ya Allah....selamat kan la ibu ku...dan sembuh kan kesihatan dia...amin.

The truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it.

got this frm my cuzzin. although we're not close, u;re my cuzzin in my heartz. i almost cry reading ur entry. A year have passed in a blink of an eye.Jul. 4th, 2007 at 10:31 PM

got this frm my cuzzin. although we're not close, u;re my cuzzin in my heartz. i almost cry reading ur entry.

A year have passed in a blink of an eye.

got this frm my cuzzin. although we're not close, u;re my cuzzin in my heartz. i almost cry reading ur entry.

A year have passed in a blink of an eye.
Jul. 4th, 2007 at 10:31 PM